Joan Rivers Quotes About Aging

• Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Years, Lucky

• At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

  Joan Rivers

  Funeral, Comedian, Age

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.44, Penguin

• Mi vida amorosa es como un trozo de queso suizo; falta la mayor parte, y lo que hay apesta.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Love Life, Missing

  "Not Forgotten", www.nytimes.com. June 8, 2015.

• Me he hecho tanta cirugía plástica que cuando muera donarán mi cuerpo a Tupperware.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Risueño, Cómico

  "Cutup". Entrevista con Deborah Solomon, www.nytimes.com. 31 de diciembre de 2008.

• Todos lloramos a nuestra manera. Yo lloro con un gran filete.

  Joan Rivers

  Age, Way, Aging

  Dane Cook @DaneCook, twitter.com. September 05, 2014.

• I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'

  Joan Rivers

  Hate, Memorable, People

  "Joan Rivers’ Birthday: Her Funniest Fashion Disses (PHOTOS)" by Lauren Leibowitz, www.huffingtonpost.com. June 8, 2013.

• Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

  Joan Rivers

  Breakup, Divorce, Insightful

  Joan Rivers (1997). "Recuperarse: I've survived everything-- and I mean everything-- and you can too!", Thorndike Pr

• My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Age, Mammograms

  "25 of Joan Rivers' best jokes", www.cnn.com. September 5, 2014.

• You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

  Joan Rivers

  Doctors, Police, Age

  "Joan Rivers' best burns, quotes and quips" by Andrea Waguespack, www.sfgate.com. September 04, 2014.

• I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Comedian, Wish

  "On Being Blonde" by P. Munier, (p. 84), 2004.

• I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Alzheimer's, Comedian

  Twitter post from Jul 02, 2014

• I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

  Joan Rivers

  Divertido, Humorístico, Memorable

• I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

  Joan Rivers

  Life, Want, Aging

• Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Memorable, Cake

  "Finding The Summer Movies That Are (Well) Off The Beaten Path". "All Things Considered", www.npr.org. May 31, 2010.

• A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

  Joan Rivers

  Children, Memorable, Hot

• Gracias a Dios vivimos en un país donde el cielo es el límite, las tiendas abren hasta tarde y se puede comprar en la cama gracias a la televisión.

  Joan Rivers

  Gracias, País, Moda

• Sabes que te estás haciendo viejo cuando el trabajo es mucho menos divertido y la diversión es mucho más trabajo.

  Joan Rivers

  Retirement, Fun, Aging

• Un estudio dice que tener un perro te hace 10 años más joven. Mi primer pensamiento fue rescatar a dos más, pero no quiero volver a pasar por la menopausia.

  Joan Rivers

  Perro, Años, Dos

  FaceBook post by Joan Rivers from Aug 06, 2014

• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny Love, Love You, Funny Relationship

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

  Joan Rivers

  Mountain, Age, Overcoming

• ¡A mi edad un asunto del corazón es un bypass!

  Joan Rivers

  Heart, Age, Funny Valentine

• There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

  Joan Rivers

  Depressing, Attention, Rotten

• I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

  Joan Rivers

  Mind, Want, Aging

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