Rita Rudner Quotes - Page 6

• When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.

  Rita Rudner

  Dancer, Pirouettes, Firsts

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• Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, New York, Nice

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• Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Depressing, Humor

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• My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

  Rita Rudner

  Sports, Football, Father

  Rita Rudner (1993). "Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature", Penguin Group USA.

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• Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.

  Rita Rudner

  Baby, Pregnancy, Two

  "Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature". Book by Rita Rudner, 1992.

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• Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Husband, Book

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• We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career is going.

  Rita Rudner

  Moving, Years, Careers

  Rita Rudner (1993). "Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature", Penguin Group USA.

  9 Copiar cita

• Algunas mujeres sostienen vestidos que son muy feos y siempre dicen lo mismo: 'Esto queda mucho mejor puesto'. ¿Sobre qué? ¿En llamas?

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Mujeres, Humor

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• Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

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• Natural childbirth scares me. I think before you have natural childbirth you should find out how big the baby is. Three pounds -- natural childbirth. Anything over three pounds -- heroin.

  Rita Rudner

  Baby, Thinking, Scare

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• Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Humor, Sueño

  5 Copiar cita

• When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Heartache, Want

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• Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Basketball, Team

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• Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Glasses, Apples

  4 Copiar cita

• I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

  Rita Rudner

  Mother, Food, Turkeys

  Rita Rudner (1993). "Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature", Penguin Group USA.

  4 Copiar cita

• I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Years, Heartache, Want

  "GRAB BAG -- When Napoleon Got Too Big for His Britches" by L.M. Boyd, www.sfgate.com. August 13, 1995.

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• Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

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• Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

  7 Copiar cita

• Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Mature

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• Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Team, Humor

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• Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

  5 Copiar cita

• My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

  Rita Rudner

  Mother, School, Lunch

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• Los hombres alcanzan su plenitud sexual a los dieciocho años. Las mujeres, a los treinta y cinco. ¿Tienes la sensación de que Dios te está gastando una broma?

  Rita Rudner

  Amor, Divertido, Vida

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• Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

  Rita Rudner

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

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• Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

  Rita Rudner

  Mother, Book, Men

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