Jim Jefferies Quotes

• I'm not scared of dying, because I'm an atheist. I won't even know I'm dead. You know why? Because I'll be fùckin' dead.

  Jim Jefferies

  Atheist, Dying, Scared

  154 Copiar cita

• Lo que pasa con los locos es que no saben que están locos, eso es lo que les hace estar locos.

  Jim Jefferies

  Crazy, People, Crazy People

  158 Copiar cita

• Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

  Jim Jefferies

  Funny, Children, Thinking

  173 Copiar cita

• Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.

  Jim Jefferies

  Christian, Believe, Kids

  130 Copiar cita

• If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

  Jim Jefferies

  Hate, Gay, Religion

  124 Copiar cita

• We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking.

  Jim Jefferies

  Drinking, Games, Australia

  109 Copiar cita

• Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots.

  Jim Jefferies

  Creer, Gente, Religión

  129 Copiar cita

• In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide.

  Jim Jefferies

  Book, People, Comedian

  Source: www.portlandmercury.com

  126 Copiar cita

• I always get a little bit pissed off when stand-up comedy is not recognised as being as good a craft as being an actor. We give Oscars to people and it's like, 'Aw, this person is the greatest person on earth', but being an actor is pretty easy in comparison to stand-up comedy. It's no surprise that several stand-up comics have gone on to become great actors. I don't know any great actors that have gone on to become great stand-up comics.

  Jim Jefferies

  Giving, People, Gone

  Fuente: www.gigglebeats.co.uk

  116 Copiar cita

• God built the world, but he did not know it was round.

  Jim Jefferies

  Religion, World, Built

  79 Copiar cita

• Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

  Jim Jefferies

  Smart, Drinking, Kids

  99 Copiar cita

• I want to make people think, and I don't want to come across like I am egotistical or that I want to change people's thoughts. I don't believe that as a comic I can convert anyone's opinion. I think I can maybe make someone look in one direction or the other but I can't make a religious person stop believing in God.

  Jim Jefferies

  Religioso, Creer, Pensar

  Source: montrealrampage.com

  95 Copiar cita

• There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.

  Jim Jefferies

  Two, Abuse, Comedian

  Source: manofmany.com

  100 Copiar cita

• I've never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group.

  Jim Jefferies

  Guy, Groups, Lots Of Friends

  "Jim Jeffries and Peter O’Fallon Talk Going Legit!". Interview with a group of journalists and bloggers, eclipsemagazine.com. January 30, 2013.

  78 Copiar cita

• There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I've always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I'm trying to entertain myself more than anything.

  Jim Jefferies

  Thinking, Play, Guy

  Source: manofmany.com

  82 Copiar cita

• I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens.

  Jim Jefferies

  Song, Sweet, Character

  Fuente: www.avclub.com

  78 Copiar cita

• No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically.

  Jim Jefferies

  Mother, Successful, Thinking

  Fuente: www.avclub.com

  61 Copiar cita

• I can't imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down - you go from being attractive to where they [directors] decided you're out... I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn't matter if I've gotten fatter.

  Jim Jefferies

  Acting, Age, Directors

  Source: www.portlandmercury.com

  82 Copiar cita

• I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It's always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an AIDS joke won't laugh at a cancer joke, but far more people know somebody who's died from cancer.

  Jim Jefferies

  Cancer, Thinking, Laughing

  Fuente: www.complex.com

  40 Copiar cita

• I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God.

  Jim Jefferies

  Thinking, Sat, Imaginary

  Fuente: www.complex.com

  56 Copiar cita

• I wouldn't perform in front of the Nazis. I hear they didn't take freedom of speech too well. It would be a fun gig to rip into them, but I don't think the ending would be great for me.

  Jim Jefferies

  Fun, Rip, Thinking

  Source: manofmany.com

  41 Copiar cita

• As for basic jokes about sex and even my religious stuff, I don't find any problems with that, even if I'm gigging in the Bible Belt, because religious people don't come and see me.

  Jim Jefferies

  Religious, Sex, People

  Fuente: www.complex.com

  59 Copiar cita

• I have tried reading the Bible but that's a tough read there. I watch a lot of religious documentaries. I have a keen interest in religion for someone who's not religious.

  Jim Jefferies

  Religious, Reading, Documentaries

  Fuente: www.complex.com

  54 Copiar cita

• Before doing stand-up, I thought acting was easy - it's not easy. It's a hard life. It's easy in its own way, you just stand there and talk. But there is a difference between people who can do it well and people who can't.

  Jim Jefferies

  Differences, People, Hard Life

  Source: www.portlandmercury.com

  63 Copiar cita

• Can't punch women in the face!

  Jim Jefferies

  Caras

  47 Copiar cita

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