Alan King Quotes

• El matrimonio es la forma que tiene la naturaleza de evitar que nos peleemos con extraños.

  Alan King

  Marriage, Fighting, Way

  47 Copiar cita

• When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

  Alan King

  Running, Morning, Apples

  10 Copiar cita

• You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

  Alan King

  Birthday, People, Looks

  13 Copiar cita

• A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

  Alan King

  Holiday, Summary

  13 Copiar cita

• The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." The lawyer frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."

  Alan King

  Fire, House, Lawyer

  10 Copiar cita

• If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

  Alan King

  Amor, Inspiración, Matrimonio

  30 Copiar cita

• You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

  Alan King

  Divertido, Matrimonio, Ingenioso

  7 Copiar cita

• Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

  Alan King

  Divertido, Matrimonio, Ingenioso

  13 Copiar cita

• Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

  Alan King

  Worry, Faces, Enough

  21 Copiar cita

• My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

  Alan King

  Father, Said

  11 Copiar cita

• We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

  Alan King

  Crime, Stage, Certain

  16 Copiar cita

• The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

  Alan King

  Running, Trying, World

  9 Copiar cita

• If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

  Alan King

  Thinking, Expenses, Ifs

  11 Copiar cita

• I was a high school throw-out.

  Alan King

  Escuela, Instituto

  4 Copiar cita

• Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

  Alan King

  Fun, Reflection, Mirrors

  9 Copiar cita

• I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

  Alan King

  Bird, Mind, Special

  9 Copiar cita

• My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.

  Alan King

  Mother, Giving, House

  5 Copiar cita

• There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'

  Alan King

  Soul, Saws, Firsts

  6 Copiar cita

• My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'

  Alan King

  Father, Smart, Hero

  9 Copiar cita

• I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.

  Alan King

  Morning, Food, Night

  6 Copiar cita

• My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.

  Alan King

  Son, Stories, My Son

  5 Copiar cita

• I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.

  Alan King

  Thinking, Comedy, Bigs

  7 Copiar cita

• I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.

  Alan King

  Giving, Joy, Unhappy

  9 Copiar cita

• Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.

  Alan King

  Party, Looks, Vaudeville

  5 Copiar cita

• If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.

  Alan King

  Alive, Currents, Ifs

  6 Copiar cita

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