Andy Borowitz Funny Quotes

• As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Believe, Stupid People

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 06, 2012

• El niño Jesús era el último vagabundo que les gustaba a los republicanos.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Baby, Jesus

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 13, 2012

• Tal vez sea una locura, pero creo que el derecho a poseer un arma está por encima del derecho a no ser disparado por una.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Crazy, Gun

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 18, 2012

• All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Mourning, Independence

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 25, 2012

• El Congreso está furioso con el Servicio Secreto por relacionarse con prostitutas, que tradicionalmente ha sido la función del Congreso.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Usa, Comedian

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Apr 18, 2012

• Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Running, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Oct 05, 2011

• Estaría bien gastar miles de millones en escuelas y carreteras, pero ahora mismo ese dinero se necesita desesperadamente para anuncios políticos.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Money, Nice

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 09, 2012

• Curiosidades navideñas: Antes de que se convirtiera en una importante fiesta comercial, se cree que la Navidad tenía un significado "religioso".

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Christmas, Religious

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 23, 2012

• He inventado Twofacebook, la red antisocial. Empiezas a ser amigo de todo el mundo y vas eliminando amigos uno a uno.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, People

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Feb 05, 2012

• Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, People

• Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Cat, Technology

• El 4 th Of July celebramos el gobierno del pueblo, por el pueblo y para el pueblo, o como se llaman ahora, las corporaciones.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Anniversary, 4th Of July

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 05, 2012

• La nueva opción de estado sentimental de Facebook: "Ya no se puede interactuar con personas reales"

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, New Relationship, Technology

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 18, 2011

• Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, Men

• Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Stupid People, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Sep 29, 2011

• Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, Hours

• The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Travel, Thinking

• Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Travel, Worry

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jan 07, 2010

• Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Government, Comedian

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Aug 06, 2012

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