Chic Murray Funny Quotes

• Allí estaba yo, tirado en la cuneta. Un hombre se detuvo y me preguntó: "¿Qué te pasa? ¿Te has caído?" Le dije: "No. Llevaba una barra de caramelo en el bolsillo trasero y quería romperla".

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Lying, Fall

• I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Dog, Mad

• After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Esposa

  "One-line genius" by Duncan Campbell, www.theguardian.com. March 16, 2007.

• I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Teacher, Humor

• Tenemos vidrieras en casa; son esas malditas palomas.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Gafas

• My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Madre, Padre

• The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

• It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

• My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Padre

• My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Perro, Humor

• This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Madre, Padre

• I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Querer

• She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Tattoo, Girl

• Mi padre era de Aberdeen, y un hombre más generoso que no podrías desear conocer. Tengo un reloj de oro que le perteneció. Me lo vendió en su lecho de muerte. Le extendí un cheque por él, con fecha postal, por supuesto.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Padre, Humor

• I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Missing

• Un vecino metió a su periquito en la máquina de picar e inventó el tuit triturado.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Machines

• The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Eggs

• A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

• Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Sueño

• I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Strings

• I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Tunnels

• Mi mujer fue a un salón de belleza y le pusieron una manta de barro; durante dos días estuvo guapa, luego se le cayó el barro.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Nice, Humor

• A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Luxury

• I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Moon

• Fui a la carnicería a comprar una pierna de cordero. "¿Es escocesa?", pregunté. "¿Por qué?", respondió el carnicero. "¿Vas a hablar con él o a comértelo?". "En ese caso, ¿tiene pato salvaje?". "No", respondió, "pero tengo uno que podría agravar para usted".

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Scotch

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