Terri E Apter Quotes

• Cuando una madre discute con su hija, tiene una doble dosis de infelicidad: la suya por el conflicto y la de su hija por el conflicto con ella. A lo largo de su vida, una madre conserva esta necesidad especial de mantener una buena relación con su hija.

  Terri E Apter

  Daughter, Mother, Good Relationship

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• One of the main tasks of adolescence is to achieve an identity--not necessarily a knowledge of who we are, but a clarification ofthe range of what we might become, a set of self-references by which we can make sense of our responses, and justify our decisions and goals.

  Terri E Apter

  Self, Goal, Decision

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• Las adolescentes luchaban contra la interferencia de la madre porque querían que reconociera su independencia. El resentimiento que sentían no era hacia la excesiva preocupación de la madre, ni siquiera hacia su excesivo control, sino hacia su incapacidad para ver y apreciar su identidad en proceso de maduración.

  Terri E Apter

  Girl, Mother, Fighting

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• We may be aware of small increments of getting older; we may meet an increasing number of people who make us uneasy with their youth; but the fact of being old ourselves comes as a surprise, and is often accompanied by the belief that there has been some mistake.

  Terri E Apter

  Mistake, Numbers, People

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• The family is constantly changing, as each member changes. Some changes we recognize as developments, and the pleasure they bringusually makes us more adaptable. Some changes threaten, or disappoint other members, who may try to resist the change, or punish someone for changing.

  Terri E Apter

  Change, Trying, Development

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• The myth of independence from the mother is abandoned in mid- life as women learn new routes around the mother--both the mother without and the mother within. A mid-life daughter may reengage with a mother or put new controls on care and set limits to love. But whatever she does, her child's history is never finished.

  Terri E Apter

  Hija, Madre, Hijos

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• This is the hope of many adolescent girls--to capture a parent's heart with love for them as they are, as people. They reject thenotion of being loved just because they are the child of the parent. They want the parent to fall in love with them all over again, because being new, they deserve a new love.

  Terri E Apter

  Girl, Falling In Love, Children

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• Sin embargo, no es la edad adulta en sí, sino la paternidad la que forma el sudario de cristal de la memoria. Existe una peculiaridad interesante en la memoria de las mujeres. A los 30, las mujeres ven su adolescencia con bastante claridad. A los 30, la adolescencia de una mujer sigue siendo una faceta que encaja en su yo actual..... A los 40, sin embargo, los recuerdos de la adolescencia se difuminan. Las mujeres de esta edad buscan mucho más recuerdos de sí mismas y de sus madres en su primera infancia. Esto enlaza con su fase de crianza típica.

  Terri E Apter

  Mother, Memories, Women

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• Old age is a strange country, and most of us enter it unwillingly.

  Terri E Apter

  Country, Age, Strange

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• Adolescents swing from euphoric self-confidence and a kind of narcissistic strength in which they feel invulnerable and even immortal, to despair, self-emptiness, self-deprecation. At the same time they seem to see an emerging self that is unique and wonderful, they suffer an intense envy which tears narcissism into shreds, and makes other people's qualities hit them like an attack of lasers.

  Terri E Apter

  Self Confidence, Unique, Swings

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• La adolescencia ha sido reconocida como una etapa del desarrollo humano desde la época medieval -mucho, mucho antes de la revolución industrial- y, al igual que ahora, ha sido considerada durante mucho tiempo como una fase que se centra en la fusión de la madurez sexual y social. De hecho, la adolescencia como concepto tiene una historia tan larga como la de la pubertad, que a veces se considera más concreta y, por tanto, mucho más fácil de nombrar y reconocer.

  Terri E Apter

  Maturity, Names, Long

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• Preoccupied with her self, the adolescent sees enormous changes, whereas the parent sees the child she knew all along. For the parent, new developments are superficial and evanescent. For the adolescent, they are thrilling and profound.

  Terri E Apter

  Children, Self, Profound

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• Adolescents do get very angry with their parents, and acknowledging this anger is part of acknowledging them. If the anger is notacknowledged then its expression is increased. The parent seems super-strong. The adolescent tries to become the super-attacker.

  Terri E Apter

  Strong, Expression, Parent

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• Parenting can be established as a time-share job, but mothers are less good "switching off" their parent identity and turning to something else. Many women envy the father's ability to set clear boundaries between home and work, between being an on-duty and an off-duty parent.... Women work very hard to maintain a closeness to their child. Father's value intimacy with a child, but often do not know how to work to maintain it.

  Terri E Apter

  Madre, Trabajo, Hijos

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• A los padres nunca se les perdona que no den la respuesta adecuada en el momento oportuno. O, más bien, hay momentos concretos en la vida del adolescente o del joven adulto en los que se necesita una respuesta determinada, y esta necesidad no se satisface, y el hecho de no satisfacer esta necesidad se recuerda para siempre, y nunca se perdona.

  Terri E Apter

  Giving, Parent, Forever

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• La adolescente no desarrolla su identidad e individualidad saliendo de su familia. No se desencadena una dinámica mágica inconsciente por la que rechaza a su familia en favor de sus iguales o de una sociedad más amplia..... Sigue desarrollándose en relación con sus padres. Su madre sigue teniendo más influencia sobre ella que su padre o sus amigos.

  Terri E Apter

  Mother, Father, Moving

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• Insults from an adolescent daughter are more painful, because they are seen as coming not from a child who lashes out impulsively,who has moments of intense anger and of negative feelings which are not integrated into that large body of responses, impressions and emotions we call 'our feelings for someone,' but instead they are coming from someone who is seen to know what she does.

  Terri E Apter

  Daughter, Children, Feelings

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• Sexual activity, for women, has a history of vulnerability, in a way it simply does not have for men. The mother has to teach thishidden text to her daughter. The mother's warnings, her attempts to halt sexual development in her daughter, are not so much signs of disapproval or envy, but of fear.

  Terri E Apter

  Hija, Madre, Hombres

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• Adolescents, for all their self-involvement, are emerging from the self-centeredness of childhood. Their perception of other people has more depth. They are better equipped at appreciating others' reasons for action, or the basis of others' emotions. But this maturity functions in a piecemeal fashion. They show more understanding of their friends, but not of their teachers.

  Terri E Apter

  Fashion, Teacher, Maturity

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