Conan O'Brien Quotes About President Obama

• Congress is debating a kill switch that would allow President Obama to freeze all activity on the internet if there was a national emergency. The kill switch goes by the top-secret code name 'Microsoft Windows.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Names, Secret, President

• El pavo al que el Presidente Obama indultará este Día de Thanksgiving es de California. El pavo dijo: "No necesito un indulto. Necesito un trabajo".

  Conan O'Brien

  Jobs, Funny Thanksgiving, Turkeys

• According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind.

  Conan O'Brien

  Yes We Can, President, Today

  "American Morning" with John Roberts and Kiran Chetry, www.cnn.com. September 16, 2009.

• President Obama has appointed a new head of the Secret Service. The new Secret Service director was so excited that he jumped over the White House fence for joy.

  Conan O'Brien

  White, House, Joy

• This morning President Obama met with Britain's Prince William in the Oval Office. It was a meeting between a symbolic ruler with no real power and the future king of England.

  Conan O'Brien

  Morning, Kings, Real

• Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President Obama.

  Conan O'Brien

  Running, New York, Cities

• President Obama , I guess, is starting to confess to some of his anxieties. In a recent interview, President Obama said, 'I miss being anonymous.' He said, 'In the old days, I could blend in with all the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Anxiety, Missing, President

• President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.

  Conan O'Brien

  Grandma, Government, Support

• Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, the second lady, third lady, and fourth lady.

  Conan O'Brien

  Kings, President, Middle East

• Tomorrow night President Obama will announce his new immigration plan. Obama's favorite part of his new immigration plan is that he gets to emigrate to another country. He's tired of all this.

  Conan O'Brien

  Country, Tired, Night

• A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama masks came and bailed the bank out, so everything is fine.

  Conan O'Brien

  Men, Two, Guy

• The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.

  Conan O'Brien

  College, Government, Skills

• President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.

  Conan O'Brien

  New York, Thinking, Eight

• In a speech today, President Obama said that Michelle Obama is very strong and talented and she frequently tells him that he is wrong. As a result, Michelle Obama is now the Republican front-runner for 2016.

  Conan O'Brien

  Strong, President, Speech

• President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States.

  Conan O'Brien

  President, United States, Poor Nations

• A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, 'Don't be ridiculous. My daughter isn't marrying a lawyer.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Daughter, Sheep, President

• President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was drive straight down the center and piss everyone off.

  Conan O'Brien

  Basketball, Daughter, Dad

• A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase 'Oh God, oh God,' more than President Clinton.

  Conan O'Brien

  Jesus, Believe, President

• President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing this, the RadioShack CEO said, 'I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want.'

  Conan O'Brien

  White, Yesterday, People

• The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was President Obama trying to get out.

  Conan O'Brien

  Past, White, Jumping

• El Presidente Obama, por cierto, ha establecido un récord Guinness como la persona que más rápido ha conseguido un millón de seguidores en Twitter. Obama tiene ahora tantos seguidores como candidatos presidenciales tienen los republicanos.

  Conan O'Brien

  Presidential, Followers, Records

• President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Night, White, House

• President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan bickering, President Obama deserves a lot of credit for taking a chance on Ann Coulter, I think.

  Conan O'Brien

  Thinking, President, Credit

• At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in that speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading Craigslist personals.

  Conan O'Brien

  Reading, Bisexual, Night

• People in China criticized President Obama for chewing gum while entering the economic summit in Beijing. They're saying he looked like a rapper. Then again, to be fair, in China I look like a rapper.

  Conan O'Brien

  Rapper, People, President

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