Carol Leifer Quotes

• I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

  Carol Leifer

  Mom, Mad, Desire

  46 Copiar cita

• I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

  Carol Leifer

  Funny, Pain, Philosophy

  15 Copiar cita

• Estaba viendo Maury Povich el otro día. Había gente que decía haber tenido experiencias cercanas a la muerte. ¿Alguna vez notaste que siempre dicen lo mismo? "Recuerdo haber visto una luz blanca muy brillante". Es como, por supuesto, cabeza de alfiler, es el paramédico mirando en tus pupilas con una linterna.

  Carol Leifer

  Light, White, People

  12 Copiar cita

• I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

  Carol Leifer

  Islands, Names, Guy

  8 Copiar cita

• Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.

  Carol Leifer

  Morning, Sex, Funny Marriage

  8 Copiar cita

• ¿Cuándo nos ponemos la lencería? Siempre al principio de la relación: los dos primeros meses, pavoneándote por el dormitorio con un teddy. Sí, seis meses después, has dejado de depilarte las piernas y pareces un teddy.

  Carol Leifer

  Couple, Six Months, Looks

  42 Copiar cita

• Women in the workplace - we still have big strides to make. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee... Yeah, she stormed right out of that Starbucks.

  Carol Leifer

  Girlfriend, Jobs, Coffee

  9 Copiar cita

• Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."

  Carol Leifer

  Funny, Travel, Sitting

  6 Copiar cita

• Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

  Carol Leifer

  Senior, Retirement, Time Flies

  16 Copiar cita

• Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

  Carol Leifer

  Real, Making Love, Buying

  Carol Leifer (2009). “When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror”, p.10, Villard

  6 Copiar cita

• You can never go wrong betting on Americans' bad eating habits. So I've made a ton investing in all fast food chains, while at the same time investing in Dockers, spandex, Spanx, and sweatpants. Basically, anything with an elastic waistband is a goldmine.

  Carol Leifer

  Investing, Eating, Fast Food

  "Ten Minutes with Carol Leifer: Comedian suggests investing in Spandex". Interview with Amey Stone, www.aol.com. May 17, 2009.

  13 Copiar cita

• As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

  Carol Leifer

  Rejection, Environment, Worst

  53 Copiar cita

• They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

  Carol Leifer

  People, Source, Materials

  8 Copiar cita

• All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

  Carol Leifer

  Men, Decision, Stuff

  8 Copiar cita

• I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.

  Carol Leifer

  Reason, Cried

  5 Copiar cita

• I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.

  Carol Leifer

  Should, Perfume, Testers

  4 Copiar cita

• When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.

  Carol Leifer

  Lying, Winning, Age

  "Carol Leifer on auditioning for Larry David, writing for SNL, and more". Interview with Will Harris, tv.avclub.com. April 25, 2014.

  4 Copiar cita

• I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.

  Carol Leifer

  Sorry, Sleep, Revelations

  4 Copiar cita

• You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.

  Carol Leifer

  Dog, Morning, People

  5 Copiar cita

• When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, 'I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive.' And six months later you're like, 'Lord, any mammal with a day job.

  Carol Leifer

  Dulce, Empleo, Inteligente

  5 Copiar cita

• Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

  Carol Leifer

  Beautiful, Self, Authentic Self

  8 Copiar cita

• Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.

  Carol Leifer

  Girl, Islands, Long

  4 Copiar cita

• No me da miedo ponerme en contacto con alguien y que luego pase de mí. Al menos podrías haber conseguido un "sí". Así que merece la pena tener los cojones de hacerlo.

  Carol Leifer

  Passing On, Cojones, Worthwhile

  "The One Woman You MUST Know About Before Watching the Oscars This Sunday. (Hint: She's Known as the Real "Elaine" on Seinfeld!)" by Jessica Radloff, www.glamour.com. February 24, 2012.

  8 Copiar cita

• I've seen too many comics who got their own shows and were undone because they worked for an executive producer who didn't understand their comedy or their sensibility.

  Carol Leifer

  Comedy, Undone, Producers

  7 Copiar cita

• Mi padre era un tipo muy divertido. Vivió una larga vida. Y él fue la razón por la que quise ser gracioso y convertirme en cómico y guionista de comedia, así que decir que es una figura mítica en mi vida sería quedarme corto.

  Carol Leifer

  Father, Long, Guy

  Carol Leifer (2009). “When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror”, p.3, Villard

  53 Copiar cita

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