Dane Cook Citas

• Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

  Dane Cook

  Drinking, Thinking, Taxi Cabs

  49 Copiar cita

• Perder la cabeza suena muy pesimista. Prefiero el término ganar mi locura.

  Dane Cook

  Winning, Insanity, Mind

  FaceBook post by Dane Cook from Mar 05, 2011

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• When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

  Dane Cook

  Diversión, Gente, Pequeños

  26 Copiar cita

• Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.

  Dane Cook

  Running, People, Brain

  FaceBook post by Dane Cook from Sep 03, 2014

  18 Copiar cita

• San Valentín es un día para celebrar la alegría de estar enamorado. A menos que seas soltero y te sientas solo, entonces se llama Día de la Lavandería.

  Dane Cook

  Valentines Day, Lonely, Being In Love

  FaceBook post by Dane Cook from Sep 04, 2014

  15 Copiar cita

• I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.

  Dane Cook

  Hate, Block, White

  5 Copiar cita

• Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.

  Dane Cook

  Diferencias, Marcar la diferencia, Querer

  FaceBook post by Dane Cook from Sep 04, 2014

  7 Copiar cita

• Es increíble lo tonta que puede llegar a impresionarte la gente de lo estúpida que puede llegar a ser cuando se hace valer de verdad.

  Dane Cook

  People, Dumb, Dumb People

  Twitter post from Sep 3, 2013

  12 Copiar cita

• When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not

  Dane Cook

  Want, T Shirt, Shirts

  16 Copiar cita

• What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.

  Dane Cook

  Atheist, Happens, Dies

  11 Copiar cita

• Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!

  Dane Cook

  Littles, Great Relationship, Sometimes

  14 Copiar cita

• You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.

  Dane Cook

  Responsibility, Acceptance, Action

  Twitter post from May 30, 2012

  11 Copiar cita

• When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.

  Dane Cook

  Change, Thinking

  6 Copiar cita

• We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.

  Dane Cook

  Summer, Running, Fun

  7 Copiar cita

• You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

  Dane Cook

  People, Directors, Stories

  FaceBook post by Dane Cook from Sep 03, 2014

  12 Copiar cita

• I live my life like there's no yesterday.

  Dane Cook

  Yesterday, Living My Life, I Live My Life

  FaceBook post by Dane Cook from Sep 03, 2014

  6 Copiar cita

• A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

  Dane Cook

  Couple, Light, Car

  9 Copiar cita

• I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.

  Dane Cook

  Summer, Jobs, Golf

  13 Copiar cita

• I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

  Dane Cook

  Dog, Baby, Elderly

  11 Copiar cita

• Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.

  Dane Cook

  People, Interesting, Clubs

  10 Copiar cita

• Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

  Dane Cook

  Hate, Mad, Looks

  Twitter post from Jun 8, 2013

  23 Copiar cita

• Los videojuegos no vuelven loca a la gente. Yo jugué a Super Mario toda la vida. Ni una sola vez saltando sobre una tortuga o rompiéndome la cabeza contra un techo de ladrillos.

  Dane Cook

  Turtles, Nuts, Games

  Twitter post from Aug 29, 2013

  11 Copiar cita

• Puedes intentar robar el trueno todo lo que quieras, sólo recuerda a la gente que yo soy el relámpago. Tú retumbas en la distancia. Yo ilumino el cielo.

  Dane Cook

  Distance, Light, Sky

  Twitter post from Aug 3, 2013

  7 Copiar cita

• When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.

  Dane Cook

  Falling In Love, People, Bags

  "Dane Cook: A Stand-Up Comic on the Rise". "Day to Day" with Alex Chadwick, www.npr.org. December 1, 2005.

  12 Copiar cita

• It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.

  Dane Cook

  Home, Night, Thinking

  Twitter post from Aug 19, 2013

  8 Copiar cita

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