Demetri Martin Funny Quotes

• El peor momento para sufrir un infarto es durante una partida de charadas.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Lo Siento, Corazón

  "Por qué es importante no perderse el nuevo espectáculo de Demetri Martin", por Will Dean, www.theguardian.com. 24 de septiembre de 2009.

• Quiero hacer un rompecabezas de 40.000 piezas. Y cuando lo termines, dirá 'sal fuera'.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Im Sorry, Witty

  "Comedy Central Presents/ Demetri Martin". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2004.

• I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Song, Humor

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

• When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Lo Siento, Humor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Christmas, Jesus

• It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Adults

  "Demetri Martin. Person". Documentary, Comedy, Music, www.imdb.com. 2007.

• La gente sólo menciona que es un país libre si están haciendo algo de mierda.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Vida, País

• I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Escritura, Humor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Morning, Believe

  "Comedy Central Presents: Demetri Martin". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 2004.

• Este año envolví pronto mis regalos de Navidad, pero me equivoqué de papel. El papel que usé decía "Feliz Cumpleaños". No quería desperdiciarlo, así que escribí "Jesús" en él.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

  "Comedy Central Presents/ Demetri Martin". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2004.

• If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Moving, Humor

  "'Comedy Central Presents' ('Demetri Martin')". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. March 19, 2004.

• El otro día estaba haciendo tortitas y una mosca entró volando en la cocina. Y entonces me di cuenta de que una espátula se parece mucho a un matamoscas. Y una mosca aplastada se parece mucho a un arándano. Y un compañero de piso se parece mucho a un come moscas.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Lo Siento, Humor

  Serie de televisión "Comedy Central Presents" ("Demetri Martin", 2004), www.imdb.com. (1998- ).

• I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Flower, Humor

• La cámara digital es un gran invento porque nos permite recordar. Al instante.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Im Sorry, Witty

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Libro, Humor

• A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Humor, Gente

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Si tuviera una librería haría que todas las novelas de misterio fueran difíciles de encontrar.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Vida, Librerías

• Si no sabes distinguir una cuchara de un cucharón, ¡estás gordo!

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Ingenioso, Humorístico

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Size

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Deportes, Humor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Balloons

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Mi fruta favorita son las uvas. Porque con las uvas, siempre tienes otra oportunidad. Porque si te sale mal una manzana o un melocotón, te quedas con esa fruta. Pero si tienes una mala uva, no hay problema - sólo tienes que pasar a la siguiente. Uvas: La fruta de la esperanza".

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Im Sorry, Moving

  "'Comedy Central Presents' ('Demetri Martin')". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. March 19, 2004.

• Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Lo Siento, Humor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Estaba paseando por el parque y un tipo me saludó. Luego me dijo: "Lo siento, creía que eras otra persona". Le dije: 'Soy yo'.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Perdón, Humor

  "Demetri Martin: El irónico cómico pensaba ser abogado". Entrevista con Chad Jones, www.sfgate.com. 7 de mayo de 2014.

• The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

  Demetri Martin

  Divertido, Humor, Para Siempre

  "What's So Funny?" by Rachel Rosenblit, www.elle.com. January 14, 2009.

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