Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 10

• No, I live in New Jersey because I like living in New Jersey.

  Jon Stewart

  Jersey, New Jersey

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• Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I figured this out. I know what's wrong with what we've done in Iraq. We've been following time as it goes forward. What a classic mistake. Linear time is so pre-9-11.

  Jon Stewart

  Mistake, Iraq, Waiting

  "The Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• Mi vida era típica. Jugaba al béisbol en las ligas menores. Nunca me faltó comida. Siempre tenía zapatos. Tenía una habitación. No hubo grandes tragedias. Hubo los típicos altibajos, pero no diría que fue triste en absoluto. Éramos judíos y vivíamos en los suburbios, así que había una ligera inclinación neurótica, pero no puedo señalar nada en lo que un niño haya superado una tragedia para convertirse en cómico. Como decía mi abuela: "No me puedo quejar".

  Jon Stewart

  Baseball, Grandmother, Boys

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• To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

  Jon Stewart

  America, Faces, Messages

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• The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.

  Jon Stewart

  Government, Desert, Should

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• Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

  Jon Stewart

  Let Me, Clear, Unclear

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• Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they're delicious!

  Jon Stewart

  Children, Night, Ice Cream

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• La nación de Dubai prohibió la película Los ángulos de Charlie porque es "ofensiva para la religión del Islam". Al parecer, la religión del Islam se ofende por cualquier cosa que no tenga argumento.

  Jon Stewart

  Movie, Dubai, Religion Of Islam

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• New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song.

  Jon Stewart

  Song, New York, Latin

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• I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles.

  Jon Stewart

  Teacher, Fire, Missiles

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• California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.

  Jon Stewart

  California, Evil

  "We can all stop laughing on Wednesday, but for now, here's a sampling of recall election humor, part deux, from the nation's wags" by James Sullivan, www.sfgate.com. October 2, 2003.

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• Mi amigo Bill O'Reilly está completamente lleno de mierda.

  Jon Stewart

  Bills, Bill O Reilly, My Friends

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• Te diré una cosa: La religión es una elección mucho más importante que la homosexualidad. Y las protecciones que tenemos, para la religión -protegemos la religión- y ¡hablar de una elección de estilo de vida! Eso es absolutamente una elección. Los homosexuales no eligen ser homosexuales. ¿A qué edad elegiste no ser gay?

  Jon Stewart

  Gay, Lifestyle Choices, People

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• I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."

  Jon Stewart

  Running, Fun, Interesting

  Interview with Michael Rubiner, Rolling Stone, January 26, 1995.

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• It's always funny until the hooker mentions her son.

  Jon Stewart

  Hijo

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• President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth.

  Jon Stewart

  Mean, President, Mars

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• I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.

  Jon Stewart

  Mean, Apes, Chaos

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• The next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this kind of bizarre sort of cult-like atmosphere that falls along. I mean, I accept that kind of veil of secrecy around Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but I don't accept that around our government.

  Jon Stewart

  Otoño, Media, Años

  "Bill Moyers talks with Jon Stewart". "Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• Body hair. You know when you're swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went anywhere near him. 'My god, a beaver! Everyone out of the pool!

  Jon Stewart

  Dad, Kids, Swimming

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• Bill Russell, a famous philosopher from Boston Celtics once "When things go bad, things go bad." The [Iraq] war was terribly mismanaged-it was terribly mismanaged.

  Jon Stewart

  War, Boston, Iraq

  "Bill Moyers talks with Jon Stewart". "Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• The view... from my apartment... was the World Trade Center... and now it's gone, they attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity, and strength, and labor, and imagination and commerce, and it is gone. But you know what? You know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. The view from the South of Manhattan is now the Statue of Liberty. You can't beat that!

  Jon Stewart

  Views, Imagination, Liberty

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• I feel like the only thing that I can do, and I've been fired from enough jobs, that I'm pretty confident in saying this, the only thing that I can do, even a little bit better than most people, is create that sort of that context with humor. And that's my way of not being helpless and not being hopeless.

  Jon Stewart

  Jobs, People, Littles

  Interview with Bill Moyers, www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• [John McCain] stopped connecting and just looked at my chest and decided, "I'm just gonna continue to talk about honor and duty and the families should be proud," all the things that are cudgels emotionally to keep us from the conversation. But, things that weren't relevant to what we were talking about.

  Jon Stewart

  Talking, Honor, Proud

  Fuente: www.truth-out.org

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• Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.

  Jon Stewart

  Militar, Guerra, Personas

  Interview with Tony Blair, "The Daily Show", September 18, 2008.

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• People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it.

  Jon Stewart

  Writing, Warrior, Government

  "Bill Moyers talks with Jon Stewart". "Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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