Jon Stewart Quotes - Page 6

• We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there.

  Jon Stewart

  Hair, Looks, Should

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• The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.

  Jon Stewart

  Party, Believe, Tea

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• We are going to be raising a generation of mentally impaired people.

  Jon Stewart

  People, Generations

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• The country's 24 hour political pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying up to our problems bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic. If we amplify everything we hear nothing.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Fire, Glasses

  Keynote Address at the Rally to Restore Sanity, delivered 30 October 2010, Washington Mall

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• The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.

  Jon Stewart

  Immune System, Immune, Ifs

  "Stewart points finger at media" by James Hohmann and Marin Cogan, www.politico.com. October 30, 2010.

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• The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City. The traditional meal often includes gefilte fish. For those of you who don't know what gefilte fish is, it strongly resembles a ball of tuna fish that has been passed nasally. It's not good. During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews - an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, New York, Angel

  "Other News - Yeast of Burden". "The Daily Show" official website, March 31, 1999.

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• Congress, the legislative stone in America's urethra.

  Jon Stewart

  America, Stones, Congress

  "Jon Stewart Jabs Obama’s Guantanamo Failure", May 2, 2013.

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• Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.

  Jon Stewart

  Sense Of Humor, Frustrating, Ifs

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• Este espectáculo son nuestras creencias personales.

  Jon Stewart

  Belief, Shows, Personal Beliefs

  YouTube Channel "The Paley Center for Media"/"The Daily Show Cast on 'Personal Beliefs' @ Paley Center", www.youtube.com. July 29, 2008.

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• I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

  Jon Stewart

  Gay, Pensamiento, Gente

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• I feel like [God]'s hazing us.

  Jon Stewart

  Hazing, Feels

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• Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.

  Jon Stewart

  Divorce, Gayness, Ends

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• If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another.

  Jon Stewart

  Family, Firsts, Ifs

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• At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?

  Jon Stewart

  Giving, Speech, Ends

  "This Is The Worst". Interview with Chris Matthews, www.cbsnews.com. October 3, 2007.

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• The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.

  Jon Stewart

  Iraq, Withdrawal, Calling

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• Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again.

  Jon Stewart

  Campaigns, Closure, Opening

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• Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.

  Jon Stewart

  Politics, Als, Global Warming

  "Countdown" with Keith Olbermann, www.nbcnews.com. December 9, 2009.

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• I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.

  Jon Stewart

  Hopping, Be Good

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• If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today. Provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars.

  Jon Stewart

  Advice, Dollars, Investing

  "Jon Stewart Eviscerates CNBC, Santelli On Daily Show" by Jason Linkins, www.huffingtonpost.com. April 05, 2009.

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• Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.

  Jon Stewart

  Giving Up, War, Who Cares

  "Jon Stewart Destroys Fox News Over Syria Coverage: ‘Who Cares HOW We Avoided A War...’". www.huffingtonpost.com. September 11, 2013.

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• It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.

  Jon Stewart

  Nurse, Office, Balls

  "Jon Stewart Gets Fed Up: Dems Set The Bar So Low They’re Tripping Over It" by Dan Abramson, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 21, 2010.

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• And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.

  Jon Stewart

  Giving, Trying, Might

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• Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?

  Jon Stewart

  Dark, Marijuana, Listening

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• I don't think politics is any longer about a conversation with the country.

  Jon Stewart

  Country, Thinking, Conversation

  "Bill Moyers talks with Jon Stewart". "Bill Moyers Journal", www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.

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• It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights...

  Jon Stewart

  Gay, Rights, People

  "David Bianculli's Top 10 TV Shows Of 2008". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. December 23, 2008.

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