Citas de Jim Gaffigan

• You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Know How, Knows, Wraps

  57 Copiar cita

• The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Morning, Eye, Stuff

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Apr 12, 2015

  13 Copiar cita
• 

  Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Comedian, Likes, Remember

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Apr 24, 2012

  60 Copiar cita

• My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Shoes, Ties, Wife

  38 Copiar cita

• If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

  Jim Gaffigan

  Always Trying, House, Camping

  Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.258, Crown Archetype

  8 Copiar cita

• The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?

  Jim Gaffigan

  Heaven, Kind, Odd

  32 Copiar cita

• Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Kale, Special, Superfoods

  Jim Gaffigan (2014). “Food: A Love Story”, p.95, Crown Archetype

  13 Copiar cita

• El pastel no puede competir con la tarta. Si pones velas en una tarta, es una tarta de cumpleaños. Pon velas en una tarta, alguien está borracho en la cocina.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Divertido, Humor, Pastel

  "Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale", www.imdb.com. 2006.

  11 Copiar cita

• My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Vegetables, My Favorite, Marshmallow

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Aug 07, 2013

  49 Copiar cita

• No importa lo que pienses de tu familia extensa o de las reuniones familiares a las que vayas a asistir. Y es que ahora la razón última para asistir a reuniones familiares es que tus hijos se lo pasen como nunca con sus primos. A los niños les encantan sus primos. No estoy exagerando. Los primos son como celebridades para los niños pequeños. Si los niños pequeños tuvieran una revista People, los primos estarían en la portada. Los primos son los barómetros de lo divertida que será una reunión familiar. "¿Estarán los primos? ¡Qué divertido!

  Jim Gaffigan

  Cute, Cousin, Fun

  Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.226, Crown Archetype

  45 Copiar cita

• I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Divertido, Humor, Ideas

  13 Copiar cita

• We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Mean, Thinking, Orange

  31 Copiar cita

• But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Baby, Women

  39 Copiar cita

• There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Fathers Day, Song, Children

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 09, 2012

  27 Copiar cita

• Thanksgiving. Es como si ni siquiera intentáramos crear una tradición. La tradición es que comemos en exceso. 'Oye, ¿qué tal si en Thanksgiving comemos mucho?' '¡Pero eso lo hacemos todos los días!' 'Oh. ¿Y si comemos mucho con gente que nos molesta mucho?'

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thanksgiving, People, Drunk

  "Beyond the Pale". Live album by Jim Gaffigan, www.npr.org. February 7, 2006.

  54 Copiar cita

• Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Asking, Hell, Knows

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from May 20, 2011

  40 Copiar cita

• Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Jobs, Kids, Pay

  Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.46, Crown Archetype

  18 Copiar cita

• How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, "How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water."

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Thinking, Water

  10 Copiar cita

• I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Team, Son

  20 Copiar cita

• I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy"... My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family." Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Wife, House, Camping

  "Jim Gaffigan: King Baby". Documentary, Comedy, 2009.

  16 Copiar cita
• 

  The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Divertido, Humor, Gafas

  41 Copiar cita

• Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

  Jim Gaffigan

  Games, Gold, Salad

  "Jim Gaffigan: King Baby", 2009.

  19 Copiar cita

• Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'

  Jim Gaffigan

  Divertido, Escritura, Humor

  37 Copiar cita

• I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel room is write a letter. "My dearest Gwendolyn, I arrived by nightfall at the Embassy Suites. It will be a fortnight after my return that this letter shall arrive. Allow me to explain the curious charge at the ledger. It is because I miss thee so much, darling, I accidentally ordered Sorrority Sisters 7."

  Jim Gaffigan

  Divertido, Escribir, Pensar

  39 Copiar cita

• Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Humor, Animal

  28 Copiar cita

También te puede gustar:

Brian Regan

Louis C. K.

Bill Burr

Mitch Hedberg

Michael Ian Black

Aziz Ansari

Patton Oswalt

Jerry Seinfeld