Jim Gaffigan Quotes - Page 2

• I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Up Early, Acting, Like You

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• Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Hermoso, Niños, Dos

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• For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Morning, Night, Waiting

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• People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Brother, Children

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• Cuando oyes cocinar bacon.... ese sonido chisporroteante no es la grasa cocinándose.... son los aplausos.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Cooking, Sound, Sizzling

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• You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

  Jim Gaffigan

  Jesus, Thinking, Stuff

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• Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved.

  Jim Gaffigan

  School, Caring, Next Day

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• I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thinking, Cake, Bread

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Sep 28, 2013

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• Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Couple, Strange

  15 Copiar cita

• De hecho, la industria farmacéutica debería clasificar a los bebés sonrientes como un potente antidepresivo.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Baby, Powerful, Should

  Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.54, Crown Archetype

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• Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thinking, Strange, Referee

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Apr 03, 2015

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• Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Thinking, Dessert, Yeah

  Jim Gaffigan (2014). “Food: A Love Story”, p.194, Crown Archetype

  71 Copiar cita

• Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.

  Jim Gaffigan

  School, Holiday, Kids

  Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.222, Crown Archetype

  11 Copiar cita

• Estoy engordando... como había planeado. Por suerte, mi instinto es intencional. En realidad me estoy preparando para un gran papel. Claro, es un rollo de canela.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Roles, Cinnamon, Bigs

  Jim Gaffigan (2013). “Dad Is Fat”, p.200, Crown Archetype

  29 Copiar cita

• Es increíble cómo el correo electrónico ha cambiado nuestras vidas. ¿Alguna vez has recibido una carta manuscrita por correo hoy en día? '¿Qué...? ¿Han secuestrado a alguien?'

  Jim Gaffigan

  Email, Letters, Today

  16 Copiar cita

• What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'

  Jim Gaffigan

  Divertido, Humor, Ideas

  17 Copiar cita

• Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

  Jim Gaffigan

  People, Expectations, Granted

  Fuente: www.avclub.com

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• I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name. So call me old-fashioned, but this fella does what the Bible tells.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Girlfriend, Names

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• You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!

  Jim Gaffigan

  Balls, Bowling, Heavy

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• Siempre que uno de mis hijos me dice: "Buenas noches, papá", pienso: "No lo dices en serio".

  Jim Gaffigan

  Fathers Day, Children, Dad

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Oct 19, 2012

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• When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny, Fighting, Bed

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• Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Food, Dust, Community

  Jim Gaffigan (2014). “Food: A Love Story”, p.123, Crown Archetype

  4 Copiar cita

• One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Benefits, Salad, Eating

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Jul 01, 2013

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• I recently bought extreme chunky peanut butter. I opened it up.. .it was just peanuts. Wow that is extreme!

  Jim Gaffigan

  Peanut Butter, Wow, Peanuts

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• In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Kids, Priorities, Parent

  39 Copiar cita

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